Right In Between.

The sound of raindrops sets the mood. Their cries echo in the cold concrete room. The rain leaves me feeling jaded and cynical. Leaving a bad taste in my mouth. Every drop, every sound resonates so closely that it feels as if they shake the ground I am standing on. The room is dingy, bitter, raw. The only illumination is an almost lifeless bulb. It flickers somewhere high in the distant sky, or whatever void my shaky heart beats beneath. The light is so vague and all it offers is the shadow of my flawed and callused feet. They point in the direction of an ambiguous staircase. Taking a few steps forward I find myself standing at the bottom of the narrow stairs, facing an undetermined future. I feel helpless and cowardly. The numbing floor has frozen my feet and thinking I am smarter than my circumstances I convince myself that the first step couldn’t be as bad as what I currently face. Courage has drawn me close. Grabbing the damp, chilled railing of the slim stairs I take my first step. Overly confident and borderline cocky, I slip. And finding myself right back at the beginning shouting in frustration. The tears roll down porcelain cheeks but are thwarted in their path as they freeze mid-cheek. My face feels cracked and unfamiliar. A wind passes through, and quieter than a single breath a whisper says, “try again.” Options few, my hands clutch the tight railings of the restricted staircase. This time, using a little more caution and a lot more faith I find myself standing on the first step. Two, three, four, five. Climbing higher and higher. The narrow staircase makes me feel inadequate yet liberated. The raindrops that once left me cynical and jaded, I now find an encouraging melody. I am still flawed. I am still in pieces. But there is something about the light that flickers in the distance. It tempts me to come farther. It gives off some ounce of warmth that the cold and solid floor couldn’t offer. So in the midst of tears and brokenness, raindrops soaking my heads, I continue my climb up a narrow staircase.